Come Unto Me

This poem is a work in progress, just as I am.  God started speaking to my heart about this very issue during Lent.  I am making imperfect progress, but I am reminded in Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Thank you God for never giving up on me and loving me through my hard headedness and imperfections.

I hear Him calling me, "Come to me child.
I've been waiting here for you!
Come sit at my feet and talk to me now. 
Can't you spare just a minute or two?
It's been such a long time since our last chat ~ when you poured out your heart and cried.
Won't you come to Me now?
Share your sorrows and fears,
It's time to swallow your pride.

I know you like to be in control,
Think you can handle it all on your own.
So I sit back and watch, trying not to intrude
But you are never alone.
For I am with you all the time,
Every second of every day
Bidding you to come unto Me
Take some time out to pray."

So here I am, Lord, sitting right at your feet
I've made such a mess of things now.
I shouldn't have tried to do it all by myself
I should have trusted you to show me how.
I'm sorry I'm stubborn and I don't listen well
I didn't want to bring it to You
I thought I could fix it all on my own
Now I'm not sure what to do.

As I try to explain the trouble I'm in
He quiets and calms my fears,
"But now you are here, give it up to Me now,
Come, let Me dry your tears."
I surrender it all to Him yet once again
My heart feels oh such a peace
What once was a burden I carried so heavy
I feel a freedom from the release.

Thank you, God, for not giving up
On me, your obstinate child.
It must seem at times I'll never learn,
My ways are disobedient and wild.
You are always here to pick me up
When I have failed to trust in Your ways,
Now once again I commit my life
To follow you all of my days.

The Beginning of the Birthday Week

My birthday is this week.  I stopped counting more than a few years ago.  Princess however wants to know how old I am going to be.  She guessed 24 and I told her that was a pretty good guess.  Hubby laughed and said, "Yeah, the 13th anniversary of her 24th birthday."  Thanks a lot, Hubby.  I think 24 is a good number.  Anywho, Princess has been doing all of these secret things around the house lately in preparation for my birthday.  She just can't wait and keeps asking if I want my present.  The actual day isn't until Thursday, so I still have a little bit of time before I add another number to my age. 

This morning Princess decided she couldn't wait another day.  She just had to throw me a birthday breakfast.  Hubby and I could hear whispers this morning about breakfast as we laid in bed, pretending to be asleep.  I expected Princess and Prince to do their usual toast and/or cereal with milk or sometimes even Diet Coke to drink.  Princess came to get us and I was quite surprised with what I found in the dining room.

Prince and Princess decided that we would eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream for breakfast. 

I think they were really thinking about how I would never let them have ice cream for breakfast so it would be a cool way to get away with it.  As you can see, they mostly ate the ice cream and Hubby and I watched.

 

Confession: I don't give my kids Ben and Jerry's. When I do let them have the ocassional ice cream treat, I usually don't give them the "good stuff."  It is rare that we even have "the good stuff" in the house, but it was BOGO at the grocery store this week so I splurged. 

 

When I got to my chair I found this:

 

A bowl full of water for me to "relax my feet."  The water was quite chilly, but I took one for the team.  Princess has the right idea, bless her heart.

 

Sweet Princess gave me a present.

Excuse my crude photo editing of blacking her name out.  I have not mastered Photo Shop.



 

I recognize these two babies! 

This was written on the back of the picture.

She started this plant in school and has been hiding it in her room, watering it and caring for it without my knowing.

Last but not least, a foot massage with her Vanilla Cupcake scented lotion. 

What a sweet start to a Sunday morning and a wonderful start to my birthday week!

 

Holding on to Family Memories

Today would have been my Grandaddy's 89th birthday.  I have so many fond memories of times spent with him.  It's on days like today I especially find myself missing him and wishing that my kids could have known him.

This is 4 generations: My Great-Granny, My Grandaddy, My Mom and Me

 

 Grandaddy used to sit out on their front porch swing and listen to me talk and tell him stories. I remember how he used to take my sister and me to the drug store to buy his cigars and ask, "Do you girls need anything?" by "need" he really meant want and we always wanted candy.  He would get in line and let us pick out whatever we wanted.  My favorite was to get the Brach's candies out of the bins, which was a special treat.  Grandaddy always felt the need to sit out by the pool to watch me swim, even far beyond the age of my needing supervision in the pool.  My Grandaddy was a quiet presence, but if you got him riled up, he'd argue a blue streak ~ my dad and uncles loved to get him going.  My Grandaddy who always ordered the same things at the same restaurants.  Any given Saturday at Wendy's he'd order a "BLT with may-o-naise" for lunch.  He would let my sister and I eat his Little Debbie snacks that Mema had bought for him to take to work in his lunch (we called them Grandaddy's lunchies) and after he'd give them to us say, "Don't tell your Mema."  My Grandaddy who always supported the things I was interested in and would be there any time, all I had to do was ask.

Easter 1979 ~ Dad, Mom, Mema, Me (in front), Granddady and my Sister

To this day I still smoke the ocassional cigar in his honor (shhhhh! Don't tell my kids!) and the smell keeps him close to my heart.  I wear one of his flannel shirts on cold days and feel him with me.  I watch the Space Shuttle movies "Hail Columbia" and "The Dream Is Alive" and see him in the VAB working.  My kids love watching the movies with him in them.  These are all ways I keep him close.

Me (left), showing Grandaddy my new Strawberry Shortcake watch with my sister.

Several years ago I found an idea in a magazine that I really liked.  A lady wrote in and talked about continuing to celebrate those in your family who are no longer with you.  She continued to have "birthday" dinners where she would pull out pictures of their special loved one and share her special memories with her children.  I liked it so much that I have used it each year on special days to celebrate our family.  Tonight at dinner we will talk about my Grandaddy and how special he was to me.  He may have gone on to be with Jesus, but his memory lives on and my kids will know their Great-Grandaddy, just as they will know their other great grands.

One last pic of Mema and Grandaddy with my uncle.

The B-I-B-L-E

This morning in worship we gave Bibles to our rising second graders. I told them that I hoped they would wear these Bibles out from reading them so much. I hope they grow to love their Bibles as much as I love and enjoy mine. Prince and Princess received their Bibles today as well. They have a Beginner's Bible and a Bible they use at school, but this is their Bible for use at home.  When we got home from church, Princess got to talking about different Bibles and she asked me about the Bibles I have.  I dug around and found my first Bibles to show her, from when I was her age and also the story Bible I received when I was 4 years old.    

As things have gotten busy with the beginning of school,  I've tried to continue to with my daily quiet time with God.  Sometimes it's those last few minutes before bed at night or a quick read first thing in the morning and usually on my Kindle.  I have several books that I have downloaded, as well as a Bible on there, so it makes it easy to access whatever I want to read.  Sometimes it doesn't happen until after the preschool building has emptied for the day and I pull out one of the Bibles by my desk.  You see, I have several Bibles...different versions, different thicknesses and covers, different reference and study aids.  I use them all at different times, depending on what I am trying to study.

Yesterday morning as I was cleaning up around my side of the bed, I pulled out an old friend.  It was my favorite Bible ~ the leather study Bible that Hubby gave me the first Christmas we were married.  I hadn't realized how much I missed it until I held it in my hands.  It felt right and as I turned the worn pages, it was like reuniting with an old friend.  There are old bulletins and notes from church services past, pictures my sweet Prince and Princess have drawn on scraps of offering envelopes, Bible verses that have been given to me for various stages of my adult life.  There's a laminated newspaper copy of my wedding announcement from 10 years ago.  The bulletin from Hubby's Granny's funeral.  So many memories from joyful and difficult times in my past, and this Bible has been used for all of those.  In sickness, I clung to God's promises, looking to Him with hope.  In joy, I have sung His praises and thanked Him for my blessings.  Even now as I think about it, I have the song in my head "The B-I-B-L-E yes that's the book for me!  I stand alone on the Word of God.  The B-I-B-L-E."

Do you have a favorite Bible?  Why is it your favorite?

What Would Jesus Do?

This afternoon Princess was sitting on my lap, telling me about her day at school.  She was talking to me about a conversation that she had with a girl in her class. They are both strong personalities and they just kind of clash.  Today when Princess was talking to this girl she came across perhaps a little stronger than she should have.  I wouldn't say that she was mean or inappropriate even, but she was definitely strong in what she said. 

I asked Princess if she thought this is how Jesus would have handled this situation.  We've been working on WWJD, What Would Jesus Do?  Princess took a minute to truly think about this.  Her eyes were looking up like she was searching for some sort of answer and then I said, "Well?  What do you think?  How would Jesus have handled this?"

In a very thoughtful way she said, "Mom, I don't want to think about what Jesus would have done because then I would have to act that way too.  I just don't want to think about it."

It was one of those life lessons where I saw myself in her shoes.  How many times have I said to myself, "I don't want to think about what Jesus would have done in this situation!"  She really hit the nail on the head.  Don't we all at some time or another think it would be easier to ignore those nudgings from the Holy Spirit that tell us to think about what Jesus would do?  Of course we do!  We would rather not think about it because if we are truly living out our faith and walking the walk, we must change our thoughts, behavior and words to be in line with what Jesus wants for us.  Jesus lived as an example for how we are to treat others.  Ouch! 

This afternoon I have been in prayer about this issue in my own life:

Dear Lord, please help to always ask myself what You would do before I speak or act.  Help me to always keep in mind that I am to be a witness of Your love and kindness to others.  Please help me not to turn a blind eye because I don't want to deal with my flaws, but help me to see myself as You see me so that I may be working toward the perfection that You call me to strive for.  Thank You for giving me this example in my sweet Princess so that I can see how You see me.  And God, please help me to love and forgive others the way You love and forgive me.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Child-Like Faith

One of the ways God has been growing me and stretching me over the last couple of years is that while it is easy to talk about my faith with people that I know their beliefs, it is often difficult for me to discuss with strangers.  God has been giving me opportunities to share with others, not in some shove it down their throats kind of way, but to just talk with people about my walk.  I think so many times people are afraid to share their vulnerabilities and weaknesses.  I have gotten better, although sometimes I still come away from talking with someone wishing that I had said this, that or the other. 

The other thing God has been showing me is the importance of not just telling someone that I am praying for them, but to stop and actually pray with them in that moment.  Honestly I don't always think of it.  The other week Prince taught me a real lesson when it comes to this.  We were in the grocery store at the check out and I asked the cashier how she was doing.  In a strained voice she explained that she had laryngitis.  Prince then turned his attention to her and said, "I'm sorry you are sick.  Is there anything I can do for you ma'am?"  She said no and I could tell Prince really wanted to do something to help her feel better.  I told Prince he could tell her that he would pray for her.  Prince said, "I'm going to pray for you to get better."  He then closed his eyes and began to pray for her out loud.  I could tell by her reaction that she didn't quite know what to make of this.  I just stopped and put my hands on Prince's shoulders as he prayed.  This wasn't my intention in telling him to pray for her, but he sure did model for me what we should all do.  He wasn't at all concerned with how this lady would react, he just did what came naturally to him, he went to God.  It was kind of an awkward feeling as I was trying to read her reaction and she didn't really say anything about it and while the moment came and went for Prince and perhaps for the cashier, I have been reflecting upon this precious moment since it happened.  What if she didn't know what to say because no one had ever bothered to stop and pray for her like that?  What if that prayer touched her deeper than we could know?  We never know how the Holy Spirit is going to work and who He will use.   I want to have the courage to share Jesus with everyone I meet in that natural way and not worry about embarrassment or rejection. I want to follow those nudges of the Holy Spirit and know that it isn't about me, but about God in me and how He wants to use me.  When I grow up I want to have child like faith and be just like my kids.

The Yo-Yo

I haven't posted much in the last several months.  I try to post, but I'm not sure where to start or what to say.  It isn't that I don't have anything to say, I have lots going on in my head.  I think it is that I have been trying to process it all and while I'm typically pretty public about my thoughts and need to talk about things to work through them.  However, the last few months I've been feeling more like there are things I need to deal with internally before I talk about them.  I'm not really sure why or exactly when this change occurred, but that's where I am.  So many times I have a thought and then say to myself, "I should blog about that," but when I try to compose my thoughts they are a jumbled mess.  I'm the girl who is always trying to get it together, to make sense of things that maybe you can't make sense of.  I want to know the whys and I try to figure it out on my own.  Guess what?  I can't do it on my own. 

I feel like the little kid who is learning how to yo-yo.  Princess and Prince are trying to learn how to work a yo-yo.   It looks so easy to make it go up and down, up and down.  I hand off the yo-yo to them and explain how it's all in the wrist and it takes practice.  They take the yo-yo and the more they try to do it on their own, in their own way, the more tangled up they get in the string.  That's me.  I want to do it on my own, but I'm not really sure how to do it.  So I try it on my own, but the more I try, the more the string gets tangled in knots but then I think I can fix those knots.  So I try some more the but knots just get bigger.  So here I am with this yo-yo of thoughts and they're all tangled up and confusing and I have to do what I should have done in the first place.  I take it all to my Abba, my Daddy God and ask Him to untangle me and help me to learn what to do.  So that's where I am right now, waiting not so patiently for God to help me to learn what to do with these thoughts and how to untangle the mess.