My Hope is Built

As I mentioned yesterday, this week my precious Prince and Princess are having a birthday.  This is a big week for them and they are so excited about all of the festivities.  Hubby and I on the otherhand, have mixed feelings about this week.  We are so blessed to have these precious miracles in our lives but the circumstances of their birth were not what we would have chosen.  The day they were born and the month that followed was the hardest thing I have ever been through and those memories are not so pleasant.  You can read what happened HERE.

 I usually work really hard to make their birthday and party such a huge deal that I don't have time to stop and deal with my emotions until the night after their party and then I collapse into an emotional meltdown.  It is exhausting to say the least and every year I think it will be different, that I will be able to deal differently, to be thankful instead of sorrowful and having my own little pity party.  This year feels different.  This year I feel as if God has been preparing my heart for weeks.  God has been sending scriptures across my path dealing with hope.  I thought it odd at first, why do I need words about hope?  I'm fine.  Aren't I?

The past few days I have had Jeremiah 29:11 rolling around in my head:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Then yesterday in worship, our new pastor preached about finding hope in despair.  When I read the title of his sermon I thought, "This isn't going to pertain to me.  I'm not in despar.  I'm fine."  He read from Hebrews about our hope being an anchor for the soul.  He then went on to tell a story about when his son was born and the complications his wife had with eclampsia...a story that was different yet very similar to my own.  Odd that he would tell this story this week.  God reminded me of the hope we had for our babies that were so tiny and sick and of the hope that I had that I would live through my illness to see my babies grow up. 

Our closing hymn, "My Hope is Built," just about did me in.  "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand."  I was reminded of a story I read of a young seminarian who had been through a lot and was having a faith crisis.  He told his mentor that he felt like he was standing on the shore at the beach and the sand was washing out from underneath him.  I'll never forget his mentor's response.  The mentor said, "When you feel as if the sand underneath you is washing away, stand firm because under that sand there is a solid rock." 
I really wish I could remember the title and author of that book.  I just happened to pick it up at a book store and read that one excerpt before putting it back on the shelf.  At the time I read it, I wasn't ready to receive the message it offered, yet somehow it stayed with me.

All of this to say that I am listening to God's voice and relying on His Holy Spirit to get me through  guide me through this week.  "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

Let Vacation Begin!

Let the vacation begin! I have been looking forward to this family vacation all year. Tomorrow morning we will leave for the beach for a week. The beach is baby powder soft and white. We have been coming to this same spot for many years. In fact, my mother came to this same place when she was a girl. When we go, it is my Mema, aunt, uncle, and cousins, my sister and her family, my parents and the four of us. There have been years when we have missed going, but mostly we try to go and it is such a great week.

This is the Prince and Princess playing on the beach last year.
A few of the things I am looking forward to doing at the beach:
~digging my toes in the sand
~relaxing on the beach, watching my kids play in the sand
~quiet time alone with God in the mornings
~date night with Hubby!
~seafood
~spending uninterrupted time with my extended family
~seeing my cousins that I don't often get to see
~laughing and playing with my kids without the distractions of every day life
~watching the perfect sunset night after night

I took these pictures of the Prince and Princess last year while we were down waiting for the sun to set. They are among my favorite of all times. I think it looks like God is just shining down His love on them. I also think that it looks like my children are worshipping and enjoying the beautiful world God created for them, for all of us.

My Life's Theme Song

Yesterday I wrote about part of my faith journey in dealing with Crohn's. I do believe that God was with me throughout all of the turmoil. I know that He has a purpose for every trial we endure. The song "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens has helped me immensely and there were days when I would just play this song and sing it over and over, not able to understand God's purpose, but knowing He would work it out for His greater good. It's on my favorites playlist on my i-pod and when I am having a bad day or feeling down or just truly want to get into a spirit of worship, I play this song and sing. So I'm putting the song on here for you to listen and enjoy. If my life had a theme song, this would be a top contender.

Maundy Thursday Thoughts ~ Preparing my Heart for Easter

Today is Maundy Thursday. As I have been preparing my heart for Easter and thinking of all that happened during Holy Week, I pause tonight to think about the Last Supper. Jesus and his disciples were celebrating the Passover Feast, a meal amongst friends. It was to be the last meal they'd all have together.
"When it was time, he sat down, all the apostles with him, and said, "You've no idea how much I have looked forward to eating this Passover meal with you before I enter my time of suffering. It's the last one I'll eat until we all eat it together in the kingdom of God." (Luke 22:14-16 The Message) What must it have been like for the disciples to hear that their friend and teacher would not be with them anymore? How would I feel if my dear friend, with whom I spent most of my time told me this would be our last meal together? I can feel the sadness, the fear of not knowing what would happen to him, what would happen to them. I imagine how they must have felt to hear Jesus tell them exactly how things would play out and then throughout the evening and into the next morning as it unfolded just as he said.

"Leaving there, he went, as he so often did, to Mount Olives. The disciples followed him. When they arrived at the place, he said, "Pray that you don't give in to temptation." He pulled away from them about a stone's throw, knelt down, and prayed, "Father, remove this cup from me. But please, not what I want. What do you want?" At once an angel from heaven was at his side, strengthening him. He prayed on all the harder. Sweat, wrung from him like drops of blood, poured off his face." Luke 22:40-44 The Message

My heart feels heavy when I think about Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. He knew the plan and he knew what he had to do but there was that moment when (as my 5 year old said it) "Jesus was scared so he prayed to ask God to help him but he had to die." I think Prince is right. Jesus, fully human and fully divine, had human emotions and this was a scary time. An angel came to give him strength. While he was dealing with these thoughts and emotions, where were the disciples? They were "asleep, drugged with grief." While Jesus was thinking of all humanity, the disciples were unable to be there for him or to even do the small thing he asked them to do, pray. Not that I am being hard on them or passing judgement, I'd be grieving too. It just reminds me that there are times in my own life when I am unable to get up out of my own wallowing,self-pity, and grief to do what Jesus asks me to do. Pray.

It should be easier for me. The disciples didn't have the benefit of knowing the rest of the story as I do. I know that come Sunday morning, Jesus is alive. Yet somehow, it's hard for me too. Tonight my heart is heavy because I know I am a sinner and that I don't do all that is asked of me. I know that Jesus suffered and died because I am a sinner and that he did this willingly. I also know that Jesus did this because of his great love for me. He loved me before I was ever a thought. He knew me and loved me and my name was written on his heart. That is so overwhelming and just awesome to think about. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were sinners, Christ died for us." I love The Message translation which says, "But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. Now that we are set right with God by means of this sacrificial death, the consummate blood sacrifice, there is no longer a question of being at odds with God in any way. If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we're at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah! Romans 5:8-11

There is a popular worship song that has a special place in my heart, Amazing Love. Whenever I hear this song, it doesn't matter where I am. I just have to sing it. It is a reminder of Christ's Amazing Love for me and the peace that washes over me as I sing and enter into that true worship whether I am in the car or in a crowded room with other people. For those few moments, it's just Jesus and me as I sing this love song to Him and feel His presence and His unconditional love that holds me tight and keeps me going.

Amazing Love

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,
How can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love,
I know it’s true.
It’s my joy to honor You,
In all I do, I honor You.


I do hope that I can live a life that brings honor to Christ. I hope that others will see Christ in me and that I can show his deep, unconditional love to them.