My Update from Mayo

It has been a long day...a long couple of days. I am glad to be home. I have had many people checking in on me today either through Facebook or text message. I have played this medical situation close to the vest because I wasn't sure what we were dealing with and it was a bit scary for me. Now that I am home, I will share what happened.

As I said in my last post, last fall routine labs came back with some abnormal levels. My liver counts were elevated and when my gastro doctor at Mayo repeated the tests two week later, they were even higher. This concerned him enough that he referred me on to a liver specialist. When I met with the liver specialist at the beginning of December he didn't seem too alarmed but wanted to follow up with more testing. He said that if he didn't get the results he was looking for and if my numbers didn't start going back toward normal he would perform a biopsy on my liver. I have talked to many people who say that the liver biopsy isn't that big of a deal but I was pretty freaked out about it. I went on Dec. 28 for a repeat of my labs and an MRI. The labs looked better than they had, although they still weren't normal. When the nurse called me on New Year's Eve to tell me that my MRI looked fine and the labs were better she said the doctor wasn't ready to cancel the biopsy just yet. He wanted to see what my labs would show when I went back up on Jan. 13.

That brings us to this morning. I went for my blood draw first thing this morning and expected for the doctor to give me an answer about the biopsy when I saw him at 10:30. He didn't do that. Instead he said that my blood levels were better and heading toward normal but that he still had concerns and he wanted one more test to determine whether or not I would need the biopsy. All morning I felt like it was bait and switch. I would reach one milestone and then he would set a new criteria. I appreciated his caution but at the same time, I was ready to be done with all of this and I wasn't liking what I was hearing. Finally, the call came late this afternoon that the biopsy was NOT needed and that Hubby and I were free to leave Jacksonville and return home. Music to my ears!

We don't know why my liver counts were elevated. He said it could have been a virus that they didn't identify, could have been a reaction to some medication (don't know what that would have been though), could have been any number of things. The important thing is that it isn't what he thought it could have been, among which included an autoimmune liver disease.

Tonight I am thanking God for His healing. I am thankful that I get to sleep in my own bed and that I don't have to have any more tests for 6 months. I am thankful for my Hubby who goes with me and puts up with my whining, grumping at him and need for constant reassurance through the process. And I am thankful for family and friends who check in on me and support me with prayers and messages of caring and love. It's been a roller coaster of a day, but at the end of it all, I am feeling thankful.

This Is The Stuff

A horrible, nasty stomach bug came to visit our house just in time for the weekend.  Late in the night Friday night, Prince got sick in bed.  Hubby slept through most of it, although he did wake up just in time for me to finish getting everything cleaned up.  (How convenient for him ~ he honestly did sleep through it though)  Poor Prince, I can't tell you when the last time he had a stomach bug was, but I'm pretty sure it's been a couple of years.  He just doesn't get that kind of sick very often.  Prince and I were up most of the night together.  I think the only hour on the clock I didn't see was 4 and believe me, I thanked God for that small blessing of getting at least an hour and a half of straight sleep.  Saturday night was uneventful and we thought we were out of the woods until Sunday morning early when Prince was again sick.  Princess got it Sunday night and Hubby got it Monday morning.  I've had a grand time spraying Lysol on everything, keeping up with dirty laundry and dishes, and doing it all myself.  Let's just say that this Mama is tired. 

This morning I may or may not have snapped back at Hubby when he grumped at me.  I also may or may not have started feeling a bit resentful that I've been single-handedly taking care of all of this sickness while everyone else was getting the rest they needed and being waited on hand and foot.  I may have gotten a bit agitated when Princess said she couldn't find socks this morning that were right in her drawer, matched up and ready to go.  Yes, it was one of those mornings.  Yet as I was rushing to get myself ready after making sure everyone had what they needed, the Holy Spirit spoke to me.  I'm not sure where it came from, except for His prompting, but I started to sing "Change my heart oh God, make it ever true.  Change my heart oh God, may I be like you."  As I sang, I started to calm down a little, but felt this small voice inside of me saying, "You aren't really feeling it, keep singing."  So I did, again and again.  I sang it as I drove the kids to school and on my way to work.  

I began to think about how this is the life I always wanted ~ the life I chose.  I always wanted to be a wife and a mommy and to take care of my family.  In sickness and in health isn't always easy.  In fact, I think that one is harder than for richer or poorer.  The point is, when you think and dream about having a family of your own, it seems wonderful and magical and everything will be like the Cleavers.  But life is messy and reality sets in and I realize that this is exactly what I signed up for.  I also realize that the change must come from my own heart.  I am grateful that my Hubby is involved and helps me with the kids when he gets home from work.  On these difficult days, it seems even more difficult because I am used to having help.  I am thankful for the help he does offer because doing this alone day in and day out would get really old.  I am thankful that Hubby comes home to me at night and that he likes being with us, thankful that I can create a home environment where he's comfortable.  I am thankful for those snuggles on the couch when the Prince and Princess are feeling bad, thankful that I am the one they want and that I can be their mommy.  That is what makes it worth it all.   

You've probably figured out by now that God uses music to speak to me ~ a lot.  When I hear a song I remember it and can usually retrieve its message in my brain for years to come.  Here's a good one that also came to mind this morning.

Manic Monday or Blessed Beginning of the Week?

I am sick.  I can't breathe out of my nose, I can't taste anything and I feel blah.  It's been gloomy and rainy looking all day.  It's just what you'd call a Monday or maybe Moanday.  UGHHHH!  So in order to make myself feel better about this yucky Monday, I started to think of all of the things that are going right in my life.  Let's make a list, shall we?

1.  I have two little people that depend on me to nurture, love, and give them what they need.  Even when I mess up, they love me unconditionally.

2.  Hubby works hard to provide for our family so that I don't have to work full-time and can spend time with my favorite little people.

3.  Hubby supports my call to be in ministry and will do whatever God calls us to do.

4.  I went to the grocery store today and got lots of good bargains.  I got $187 worth of groceries for $83 after coupons and sales.  Our kitchen is stocked with lots of healthy (and a little not so healthy) food that will nourish our bodies.

5.  Hubby helped me clean house yesterday afternoon.  He is such a blessing!  It feels good to sit in our nice clean house.

6.  Hubby finally took down his Star Trek Christmas tree yesterday.  This is something that I can't do because I'm not supposed to touch it.  I finally told him that it either comes down before Valentine's Day or I'm taking it down.  That did the trick.

7.  I finally put our nativity scene away yesterday afternoon.  Those were the lingering remnants of Christmas.  For some reason, this year I just didn't want to put it away.   I wanted to look at baby Jesus a little bit longer.  Prince kept picking up the baby Jesus and turning him over and laughing while saying, "I see Jesus' hiney."  That is so wrong.  Anyway, it's all put away now.

8.  I am able to function.  For several years there were days and even weeks when all I could do was lay in bed in pain.  I had to have people help care for my babies and me while Hubby went to work.  It was no fun.  So when I get sick with something minor like a sinus infection, I am thankful that I am able to do for myself and my family. 

9.  My home is safe and warm and I don't want for anything.  I had a hot shower and it felt so good!

10.  There's a God who made me and loves me and blesses me every day beyond what I could ever imagine.  He blesses me in spite of myself and all of my shortcomings.  I could never earn or deserve what He has done for me, but it's because of His grace and mercy that I am blessed.

See how the sun in peeking through those dark clouds?  It reminds me of how God can shine in our lives during those yucky days, if only we will look for Him.  He's in the little things and the big things.  He's in every aspect of our lives.  I love it when my kids see the sun peeking through clouds like this.  They say, "Look Mommy, God is smiling down on us!"  What an awesome thought. 
So now I'll concentrate on feeling incredibly blessed for what I do have, not for what I lack and instead of singing "Just another manic Monday" I'll be singing "I'm trading my sickness, I'm trading my pain, I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord."

My Miracle Babies ~ Part 1

Today my miracle babies turned 6. Happy birthday to my dear Prince and Princess. It is amazing to think of how far they have come...how far we all have come. I will admit that their birthday is not necessarily a happy time for me. I try so hard to make their day special and as long as I am busy and not thinking about the tough time we had when they were born, I do well. It usually hits me at the end of the day after they have gone to bed and all is quiet. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for the blessings God has given me and I know that it all ends happily, it's just that I have a lot of scars that haven't yet healed.

We all deal differently. Hubby and I hug our children a little tighter and tear up easier as we remember the struggles and thank God for our little family. My mom has a tradition she started when the twins were 2. She has always made it a point to spend time with them on their actual birthday, even though their party is usually not on the real day. This afternoon was no different. She came over with a small gift and a cupcake for each of them. She also brought her little Grandma's Brag Books from when they were born. Every year on their birthday, she sits with my children individually and tells them all about the day they were born and how she first met them. She shows them pictures from their first days and of her and my dad holding them that first day they were able in the NICU. It is so precious to see this interaction between my mom and my children.

Six years ago today, we were quite surprised when our twins decided to make their appearance into this world 7 weeks early. Nothing about their arrival was how we'd planned and it all went really quickly. Princess was born after about 30 minutes of labor. Prince, however, was not especially cooperative. He was transverse and the doctors couldn't turn him. His heart rate began to drop so I had an emergency c-section with him. Yes, I gave birth both ways with them. I don't do anything the easy way. The twins were sent to a Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) just over an hour away. Due to the circumstances of their birth, I was not able to hold the babies before they were transported. The transport team brought the babies in their isolettes into my room, and I was able to touch them but I was in such a fog from the drugs that I don't remember much of it.

The days that followed were pure hell. Hubby, my parents, and his parents were travelling back and forth from my hospital to the twins in the NICU. My parents and sister were the first family members able to hold my babies and they took pictures to bring to me. The day after the twins were born, my body began to shut down. I had HELLP syndrome and my liver and kidneys were losing function. I was diagnosed with acute renal failure and was told that I would be moved to ICU. Let me stop and say at this point that I had always been a very fearful person. I struggled for many years with anxiety and unfounded fears. I tell you this because it is an important part of my testimony. I was dying, my organs were shutting down. I was aware of this, but I am not sure if I knew really how serious it was, I think I was too sick to be fully aware. However, I knew I might die. The thing was, I wasn't afraid. I suddenly realized that all of those years of fear were unnecessary. All of those years the root of my fear was that I might die and now here I was so close to death and I wasn't afraid. I knew where I would go, and I was at peace with it. I was sad that I might not see my children grow up, sad that I wouldn't experience all of those firsts, but I wasn't afraid. This was a turning point for me. I realized that I have nothing to be afraid of. Those days I was in ICU and we were waiting for my kidney levels to come down and normalize, I felt the prayers people were sending up. I could feel the love of all of those who were praying for me and I felt lifted up. It's really hard to explain if you have never experienced this, but I was aware that there were people praying for me that I didn't even know. As Hubby would enter and leave the hospital, both where I was and where the twins were, hospital staff would say, "Aren't you the dad of the new twins? We are praying for your new family. We are praying for your wife." God used the encouragement of these people we didn't even know to give us hope. After 8 days in the hospital, I was finally discharged. I was going to meet my babies and get to hold them.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of this story, The NICU Experience.

Sick Princess and Hurt Tenders

This picture of the princess was taken on Mother's Day after church. Isn't she a cutie? The sweet princess is sick with a stomach virus. Poor little thing is miserable, but trying not to complain too much. I feel so bad when they are sick and can't get comfortable. She began with a fever last night as I was going to bed and ended up getting up several times through the night. Poor little princess. She didn't even fight going to bed tonight. She was just that worn out. Tonight as I tucked her into bed and she said her prayers I added, "and God, please help Princess to feel better and heal her." Her sweet little voice said, "Mommy when I was in your room this morning I was praying and asking God to make me all better so I can feel better." We're hoping this thing will hurry up and run its course and she can be back to her bubbly, giggly self soon.

The prince, on the other hand, is finer than frog hair. He cracks me up with the things he says. Both of them hear new words and try to use them in proper context.
This picture of the prince was taken at preschool last week at Muffins for Moms. How could you not just love that face?!
This morning the prince told me that his "tenders" hurt.
Me: What?
Prince: My tenders hurt.
Me: What are your tenders?
Prince: You know, they're inside my body with my muscles and bones and since I'm growing stronger, they hurt.
Me: Oh, do you mean your tendons?
Prince: Yes, that's what I said.