I haven't posted much in the last several months. I try to post, but I'm not sure where to start or what to say. It isn't that I don't have anything to say, I have lots going on in my head. I think it is that I have been trying to process it all and while I'm typically pretty public about my thoughts and need to talk about things to work through them. However, the last few months I've been feeling more like there are things I need to deal with internally before I talk about them. I'm not really sure why or exactly when this change occurred, but that's where I am. So many times I have a thought and then say to myself, "I should blog about that," but when I try to compose my thoughts they are a jumbled mess. I'm the girl who is always trying to get it together, to make sense of things that maybe you can't make sense of. I want to know the whys and I try to figure it out on my own. Guess what? I can't do it on my own.
I feel like the little kid who is learning how to yo-yo. Princess and Prince are trying to learn how to work a yo-yo. It looks so easy to make it go up and down, up and down. I hand off the yo-yo to them and explain how it's all in the wrist and it takes practice. They take the yo-yo and the more they try to do it on their own, in their own way, the more tangled up they get in the string. That's me. I want to do it on my own, but I'm not really sure how to do it. So I try it on my own, but the more I try, the more the string gets tangled in knots but then I think I can fix those knots. So I try some more the but knots just get bigger. So here I am with this yo-yo of thoughts and they're all tangled up and confusing and I have to do what I should have done in the first place. I take it all to my Abba, my Daddy God and ask Him to untangle me and help me to learn what to do. So that's where I am right now, waiting not so patiently for God to help me to learn what to do with these thoughts and how to untangle the mess.