There are times when God speaks so clearly into my life that I stop and am truly amazed. The God of the universe loves me enough to speak personally to me. He pursues me and whispers encouragement through friends, books, His Word and sometimes it happens when I least expect it. Perhaps that's when my defenses are down and I am more open to hearing.
Last week I learned that I needed to have some surgery, which is to be done next Monday. I had several tests and doctor appointments and was nervous about the outcome, and when I learned that surgery was required, I was less than thrilled. I don't know anyone who wants to have surgery, but this was kind of a blow to what I thought was really nothing to worry about.
One morning I awoke early and knew I needed to just get up and have quiet communion with God. As I prayed, I poured my heart out to God. God, why?! God, is it all going to be OK? God I need you! In the stillness of the morning, He said to me, "Do you trust me?" My immediate response was, "Yes, Lord I trust you but..." He said, "You either trust me or you don't. There is no but. Do you trust me? I have brought you through much more than this. I am in charge and I have a plan."
In that moment I knew that God already had this all figured out. I knew that trust was a choice and I can choose to trust Him or not. I knew that I could sit and worry and wallow, or give it over to Him. I chose trust. I still choose trust. It is a decision every moment of every day to trust that He has a plan and His plan is perfect. That His purpose for me isn't always what I would choose, but that He will use everything that happens in my life for His glory. When I begin to worry again, I have to make the conscious effort to choose trust. It isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, but nothing about this is easy. So I can choose to "go it alone," which I'm not alone anyway, or I can choose to trust that God will take care of me. John Wesley said, "The best of all is, God is with us." Indeed, that is the very best. It means that I don't walk alone, but that when I go into the operating room on Monday morning, The Great Physician will be there with my doctors to guide and bring healing. Thanks be to God.