Trusting God with the Big Things

The week after Christmas I had what seemed like a bad week. While staying at a hotel, I was getting out of the shower and the shower door came off the track and landed on my big toe. It hurt so much and my toe immediately turned black. I hobbled to the bed and cried while Hubby got me some ice to put on my toe. I cried and prayed and cried and prayed. I'm not sure that it broke my toe but I know I'm going to lose the toenail and it hurt to walk on it for about 10 days.

A few days later I was in the grocery store and had my cell phone in my back pocket. I always check my back pockets before I go to the restroom but on this night I didn't. Wouldn't you know that my phone fell out of my back pocket and right into the toilet?! I immediately grabbed it out of the water and dried it off the best I could, but the phone wouldn't work. I was so mad at myself for making such a careless and expensive mistake! When I got home I put the phone in a baggie of rice and prayed that the phone would dry out and work again. In my impatience, each time I took the phone out of the rice and tried to power it on or plug it in, I prayed that it would work. Three days later, my phone finally powered on. Thank you Jesus!!

The night that my phone started working I had strange dreams. I remember dreaming that my phone kept falling in the ocean and each time I would reach for it, the waves would carry it out a little further from my grasp. In the midst of trying to get my phone, God spoke to me. While His voice wasn't audible, there was no mistake that He was speaking to me. He said, "Rachael, you bring all of these little things to me. You prayed over your hurt toe, your cell phone, you talk to me all of the time and ask me to handle these little things in your life. Why don't you trust me with the big stuff? When are you going to trust me to handle the important things in your life?" I was jolted awake, but wasn't sure what woke me up.

I didn't realize what it was until later that morning while we were sitting in worship and God's words reverberated through my mind and heart. "Trust me with the big stuff." I knew at once what He was talking about. It is true, I pray about a million little things every day all through the day. These things don't seem little to me at the time but I'm sure they qualify as "first world problems, " my cell phone for instance. I have also been know to pray for up close parking spaces when it is raining, that there won't be a big line at Starbucks when I want to quickly stop for a drink, that traffic isn't too heavy, etc. Don't get me wrong, I pray about many important things too. When I tell you that I talk to God all day every day, I do. I pray for people I know, people I don't know, my kids, people who are sick or struggling, our leaders...I pray for all kinds of things. I also know that God answers prayers.

This is the thing that convicts me: I don't always claim the answers to my big prayers. I know God listens to me. I know He heals and yes, still performs miracles in everyday people. I know He CAN. What I don't know is if He WILL. About 8 years ago, before my first Crohn's surgery, I prayed for healing. I claimed that healing and I knew that God had not only heard my prayers, I just knew He was going to answer those prayers in a specific way. Well God did answer my prayers but not in the way or the time that I wanted them answered and so the process was much longer and much more painful than I thought it should be. (You can read about that HERE) I hadn't realized it until lately, but this had a huge impact on my prayer life and my ability to trust God to answer the big prayers. I've been so afraid to ask Him for big things since that time. I don't know why God works things out the way He does. I do know that if God had answered my prayers my way I wouldn't have endured as much hurt, but I'm also sure that I would not have seen the miracle in the same way.

In the last 5 months I have been back and forth to Mayo Clinic for more tests. Some of my levels were elevated when I had routine labs taken. This has led to more tests and I'm going back for more in the next two days. I'll be honest, I'm tired of the tests, tired of being a human pin cushion. I'm tired of not knowing and I'm a bit anxious about it. I'm not doing this trust thing perfectly, but I would like to think that I am making progress. It's easy for me to look back on all that God has done in my life and to identify where He was each step of the way. It's harder to look forward, not knowing the outcome and to claim victory. What I do know is that God is there is the big and the little and He cares about all of it. As I start to get anxious with the what-ifs, I keep replaying God's words to me again in my mind, "Trust me with the big things, Rachael."

The Honor of Serving Christ's Church

Hubby and I are attending Annual Conference for the United Methodist Church as delegates for our district this week.  It is truly an honor to serve and we are looking forward to being a part of the church on a larger level.  I am also a nominee to attend General Conference next year, which is the body that meets every 4 years to vote on policy and doctrine that may change.  Please pray for our Conference this week and pray for elections, as we set out to determine what the future of our church should look like. 

One of the things I feel very passionately about is that our church and our faith remain relevant for today's generation.  We need to hold strong to our core values and stand firm on those truths we know are right, yet we must also be open minded in how we "do church."  We must embrace technology and use it as a tool to reach others, to show them the love of Christ.  This is one of the reasons I blog...to share what Christ is doing in my life and how I am growing, how my family is growing because of His great mercy and love.  We can reach so many more people with blogs, facebook, websites, twitter. 

I appreciate your prayers and can't wait to tell you about the amazing ways God is going to work and move this week.  Stay tuned!!

Through the Fog

Earlier this week we had a lot of morning fog.  On the way to take the kiddos to school one morning, I noticed that it was so foggy that you couldn't see the steeple at their school.  Ordinarily you can see the cross from a ways down the road behind their school.  On this particular day, all you could see was the thick, dense fog.  I hadn't really given this any significant thought, just an observation.  That is, until this morning when we were once again on the way to school.  This morning was a beautiful clear morning with the sun shining and hitting the cross above at just the right angle.  The comparison of this in our own lives struck me. 

There are times in our lives when we can't see what's coming ahead of us.  We are in a fog and we don't know why things are happening and what to expect next.  Also during those times we sometimes can't see God in all of this.  Where is He?  Is He there?  He is there, isn't He?!  We feel sure He must be, but we see no sign of Him.  Those are lonely times, frustrating times as we feel we are groping through the dense fog, reaching for assurance that we will get through.  The beauty that comes from it is that even when we can't see Him, we discover that when the fog lifts, God is there as He has always been.  He never leaves us, never forsakes us, He is always in control.  That made my heart happy this morning, thinking about how God has proven Himself to me again and again.  He is always there, the steady hand on the wheel.

For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath. ~ Deuteronomy 4:31