A Crazy, Holy Grace - A Book Review

A Crazy, Holy Grace: The Healing Power of Pain and Memory by Frederick Buechner



     This was the first book I have read of Buechner's (pronounced Beekner if you don't know) so I wasn't sure what to expect. However, in looking him up on Facebook, I found that many people I respect like his author page so I was excited to give it a read. While this is a short book, it has a lot of meat to it. 
     In this book Buechner uses the pain and grief he experienced from his father's suicide to explore how wounds can be healed. In the midst of the grief and pain God may seem far away or perhaps not present at all. One of my favorite passages in this book says, "You can never be sure you're gong to find a pearl in the depths; you find monsters in the depths. But it seems to me that what you do find in the depths is yourself and each other, and even God is present, there in the depths as well as in the heights." Isn't that what life is about? Finding ourselves, each other and God in the depths as well as the heights? This statement brought to mind the many people in my life that have walked through the depths with me and made me so grateful for their presence.It also was a reminder of times God felt far away or even absent, yet on the other side of the depths I could see God's grace that sustained me. Buechner says that loss will come to all of us, but we are not alone. Crazy and unreal as it may sometimes seem, God's holy, healing grace is always present and available if we are still enough to receive it. 
     Another thing I gleaned from this book is the idea of using your experiences in the depths to come alongside another person and walking out their own grief. Buechner suggests that our grief is not wasted when we can use it to help others.
     I enjoyed reading A Crazy, Holy Grace and am anxious to read more of Buechner's books. In fact, I was sent this book and another of his books in exchange for a fair and honest review. I am not obligated to give this a positive review, but I did enjoy it and would definitely recommend it.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Handlebar Marketing as part of their Book Review Blogger Program. I was not required to write a review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
   

His Grace is Enough

When Hubby and I were at Conference last week we sang one of my favorite songs "Your Grace is Enough."  If you aren't familiar with the song, the chorus says, "Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me."  I love this song because it is so true in its simplicity.  His grace is enough for me, for all of us.  If it weren't for God's unmerrited grace, I don't know where I'd be. 
2 Corinthians 12:9 says:
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
Paul had a thorn in the flesh.  We don't know exactly what that was, but we know that he had acute physical pain.  We all have weaknesses in our lives, areas where we must rely on God to step in and work through it.  My battle with Crohn's Disease has been up and down and sometimes quite frankly gets in the way of what I want to do.  BUT, His grace is sufficient.  He finds ways to work in and through our weaknesses.  I grew up singing "Amazing Grace," but didn't truly know what that grace was all about until I was too sick to get out of the bed and had to rely on Him to get me through each day.  He has used my illness as a testimony to His faithfulness to His people.  God always keeps His promises and He still performs miracles in ordinary people.   You can read more about God's amazing grace HERE.

Going by Grace

I am currently sitting in a quiet hotel room while Hubby is in work meetings.  We arrived yesterday afternoon and I have had a chance to catch up on some much needed sleep and to have fellowship with the other wives.  We decided to do our own thing this afternoon, which for me included coming back to the room for time with my Bible and quiet reflection.  I am in the process of applying to begin my master's degree at a seminary and I am supposed to be thinking and writing about my personal history, including my relationship with Christ and my spiritual pilgrimage.  I have always considered myself to be a deeply reflective person but I am finding this difficult.  There are other questions such as my motivation in preparing for ministry and vocational experience, but I am having the most difficulty with writing about my spiritual pilgrimage.  I think this is because it has been such an emotional journey and I find myself emotionally exhausted as I type and begin to relive it all.  One thing I know is true: "All things work together for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." ~ Romans 8:28
No matter the trial, I have been able to come through it (eventually) knowing that God is faithful and that He will use those trials in my life for His greater good.  I know that God has called me into a life of ministry and that I want to be in His will.  It is scary for me to step out in faith, because I don't know how this will all unfold.  I like to know the plan and then to have back up plans in place just in case it doesn't work out.  I've always been a big planner.  I think this is why God doesn't give me the plan ahead of time, it's part of the faith journey, to trust in Him. "The will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot keep you."  I don't know who said this but it brings me comfort to meditate on these words, knowing that I am upheld by His grace because I certainly couldn't do this on my own.  I pray that as God guides me through each step of His plan for my life, I will be obedient to His call and step out in faith. 

Grace

This morning as I turned on my computer, I was greeted by a new blog post from The Lumberjack's Wife.  Please go say hi to Taylor and read her post "Prone to Wander." She usually makes me laugh with her life out in Ruralville, but today she gave me comfort.  Comfort because I realized that I am not alone with my feelings of inadequacy.  I often feel bad for losing patience with Prince and Princess.  I get frustrated when I have to tell them to pick up their dirty clothes off the floor 52 times.  I wonder if anyone is listening to me when I say "clean your room," or "get dressed for school," and no one does it.  I feel like a broken record and then I lose my cool and yell.  (Mom, if you're reading this, I have just had flashbacks to my childhood when you and Dad said you felt like a broken record.  Sorry about that!) 

But Taylor reminded me today that perhaps I need an attitude adjustment.  She quoted a verse from the hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing," one that I know well but seem to forget

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Taylor reminded me that we all are prone to wander.  I wander every day from the way God wants me to go.  I don't do things perfectly, I get off track and don't do the things I should, or I speak harshly to others (my children or Hubby).  Wow, how can I expect so much more from these little people when I can't do it myself and more importantly, if God gives me so much grace on a daily basis, don't I owe at least that much grace to my children?

Today my prayer is this:
Dear Abba, my Daddy God,
Thank you for the grace you give me on a daily, yes even hourly basis.  Thank you for not losing patience with me and for not giving up on me, your child who messes things up constantly.  I know that I can't do anything apart from You.  Please help me to be the mom You want me to be, extending grace to them when they don't get it right.  Help me to remember that Prince and Princess are gifts from You and that they are still learning and growing too.  Thank you for entrusting Hubby and me with these precious gifts from You and please help us to always remember they are Yours.
Amen.