I have mentioned before that the twins were born 7 weeks early and the circumstances of their birth were quite difficult. They were sent to a NICU an hour and a half away and the day after they were born, my kidneys and liver started to shut down. I remember very clearly the conversation with Hubby after my doctor left the room from telling us I was moving to ICU. Hubby sat with me on the bed and held my hands. We weren't sure what the prognosis was going to be, it all depended on how my body responded to the meds, but at this point, things didn't look good. I explained to Hubby that I wasn't scared, just disappointed. I was disappointed at the thought of finally having these babies, finally being a Mommy, something I had wanted my entire, and now I might not live to see them grow. In those moments, I told Hubby that I knew he'd be a great Daddy and raise our children well and that I wanted for him to find a good mom for our kids. Those were hard words, because I wanted to be the only mom they would know, but I also knew that there was a possibility that they wouldn't know or remember anything about me.
Just a few months before their second birthday, I was faced with this reality again when my Crohn's doctors told me that if I didn't have surgery I would die within a month. Recovery from this surgery was tough and I had two busy little toddlers and a Hubby who was with me every step of the way, but that also meant that he couldn't be with me and the babies at the same time. My mom and my sister took over as the twins' caretakers ~ their second mothers ~ and I couldn't think of anyone better for the job.
This Mother's Day, all of those thoughts have been swirling around in my head. I feel a little bit cheated because there are so many things I wasn't able to be a part of when it comes to seeing my babies grow and do things, but I also know that I am blessed to even be here. Blessed that God chose for me to be their mommy. Blessed that I have a mommy and a sister who could stand in the gap when I couldn't be there for my own babies. Mother's Day means so much more because I'm here, loving on my babies, watching them grow into these beautiful people and it's only by God's grace that they are. When I hear the things they say and see how they are growing in their faith, I wish I could take credit for that. That's all God. I can be here to answer their questions and help guide, but it is the Holy Spirit living in them that has made them who they are. I can't imagine my life without these two blessings, and I am so glad that God saw it fit to heal my body so that I could be a part of this:
Happy Mother's Day, all! I want to especially thank my own Mom, Mema, and Sister for being women I admire so much. You three have been there to help nurture, love, and change dirty diapers when I couldn't and words can't express how glad I am that my babies have you, that I have you. I love you dearly and thank God for you in my life!